I have a massive fear that no one actually likes me, rather everyone is just politely tolerating me hoping I leave them alone
one of my favorite things is when you give a baby your finger and they hold on to it as tight as they can. it’s funny because they don’t even come close to having the amount of muscle power i do. do you really think you can hold me here haha. i’ll crush you
They really need to make capri sun packs bigger. I’m not fucking 7 anymore. I am a grown man. All I’m saying is that sometimes 6.5 fl. oz. just doesn’t cut it.
"Be careful who you call your friends. I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies"
I envy literally everyone who is talented at anything
getting drunk is just a way of stealing happiness from tomorrow